I'm 18 and this is where I write about my problems.. If you don't like it, don't look at it. Lovely..

 

Day one: Your stats.

Height: 5’3”

Highest Weight: 130 lbs

Current Weight: 122 lbs.. fuck you.

Lowest Weight: 108… Ohhh I was soooo skinny.

I got fat. I failed.

I’m failing in school and I’m failing at being skinny.

Those FUCKING pills better FUCKING work. Or I will start to purge every time I eat, I WILL be skinny again.

Chocolate Milk

I was having a good day until I saw you in the fridge.

Fuck you chocolate milk.

FAT.

It started out as just wanting to lose a little bit of weight so I could feel good in my own skin.

But soon the weight loss took over my life and I couldn’t stop.

I didn’t want to eat. I lost my period, my body was always cold, hands and feet were blue.

My skin was pale.. My eyes hollow. 

I know I can never go back to being the girl who didn’t care about what she ate, or what other people were thinking about her.

I’m stuck being the girl that starves herself in order to finally feel good. 

SKINNY SURVEY

hating-her-reflection:

1. Are you the fat or thin one out of your friends?
-Thin

2.Are you depressed?
-Yes

3. Ever tried to commit suicide?
-No

4. Ever hurt yourself on purpose?
-Yes

5. Ever been to a psychologist?
-Yes

6. Lost weight?
-Over 20 pounds in 1 year

7. Gained weight?
-A little

8. Have you ever woken up crying, and why?
-Yes, night mares or anxiety.

9. Do you drink?
-Occasionally

10. Do you smoke?
-No

11. Do you take drugs?
-No

12. Does your weight affect your mood?
-All day

13. Do you weight yourself daily?
-Don’t weigh myself anymore, last time I did, I had a panic attack

14. Have you ever gone through a whole day without food (fast)?
-Yes

15. Have you ever skipped a meal?
-Everyday

16. Have you ever spit food out?
-Mhm


HABITS:
[ ] I keep my eating habits a secret
[x] I look at thinspo
[ ] I collect thinspo
[x] I count calories
[x] I avoid food
[x] I hate food
[ ] I love food
[ ] I purge if I think I ate too much

I AM:
[x] anorexic
[ ] ednos
[ ] bulimic
[ ] living off diet pills
[x] hungry
[x] thirsty
[ ] drinking something
[ ] Under 100lbs
[ ] fasting/starving myself

PEOPLE:
[x] ask if I’m anorexic/bulimic/have an ED
[x] have called me fat
[x] have said I’m skinny
[x] have said I’m ugly
[x] have said I’m pretty
[ ] spread rumors about me
[x] forced me to eat

I WISH:
[x] I was thin
[x] I had a better body
[x] I didn’t have to eat
[x] I could control myself
[x] I was under 100lbs
[x] I could avoid food
[x] I could hide what I am
[x] I wasn’t fat
[x] I was pretty
[ ] I could stop being anorexic/bulimic/ednos

I LOVE:
[x] feeling hungry
[x] seeing a difference when fasting
[ ] shaking
[x] feeling airy
[x] losing weight
[x] being anorexic/bulimic
[x] green tea
[ ] diet pills
[x] being able to turn down food
[ ] feeling good about myself

APPEARANCE:
[x] I am shorter than 5’4
[x] I think I’m ugly
[x] I have self made scars
[ ] I have a tattoo
[ ] I wear glasses
[x] I’ve been told I’m attractive by a complete stranger
[x] I have more than 2 piercings
[x] I have piercings in places besides my ears
[ ] I have freckles
[B] Cup size is (A) (B) (C) (D)
[ ] I am pear shaped
[x] I am petite
[ ] I have a small upper body